whiskeytown's downtown

2009-10-20T07:47:00.001-05:00

whoever said poker is a game of skill never played .25/.50 fixed limit - LOL

rb

2009-08-26T03:17:00.002-05:00

Been a nice couple weeks - last three sessions have almost all ended give or take with double my $100 buy-in.

Noticing a fundamental shift in my choices again - whereas two years ago I had written off ring games for tourneys - (i.e. the big money) - I'm now only interested in ring games again - specifically LL ring games at Canterbury - not even online -

It's a return to the tangible - to the human experience that made the game so enjoyable and the chowderheads so readable. It is that original freedom to play as long as you want, with as many buy-in's as you can afford, and the possibility to take your money and walk away without committing to a 10-12 hr marathon of escalating blinds.

It is about the potential of 80% of the table being winners instead of 10% (yah, I know you need a dunderhead with deep stacks, but the POTENTIAL is there) - It is about little wins and not needing to hit an ATM instead of building a bankroll - it is about not being afraid to reraise knowing even if you are sucked out upon, the cash loss is low enough you don't have to be afraid of the loss as long as you played it right -

and it is about stacking chips higher and higher instead of reading a number on a screen - my lord, I am so sick of looking at computer screens and clicking mouses - give me the waitresses with the unlimited mountain dews and the tablemates with some interesting converstion

but give me the freedom of the ring games - not the long term high risk contract of the tournaments - phooey

rb

2009-07-18T03:02:00.003-05:00

I am so ready for an uberpost - too many of us are gone - not the pros, but the amateurs watching from the sidelines reading books, taking swings, and apologizing to our significant others why we waste so much time on our terrible hobbies.

I re-read the first 6 months of this blog tonight - forgot how friggen good I was when I was self-destructive and hell bent - if I were still that way today, I wouldn't be writing, but I'm not writing anyways - (actually, I've been doing the rock and roller thing, but more like a folkie thing - you guys know all about that) -

I'm glad the exile (if that's what I call it) was documented - it's still an exile, but not self-imposed - now it just is what it is - I still hit canterbury and online- and in fact have played a lot more live then online - I'm sorta reverting to my old habits where I went to socialize and get a few bucks then for the purposes of building a bankroll - nice feeling -

true story - I dropped about $100 in a 4/8 hand this week - first time this has EVER happened to me - I flopped bottom set, someone else flopped middle set, and someone else flopped top set - turn paired the middle set - and I started to suspect I was doomed, but at 20-1 odds for a bad beat jackpot you gotta see the river - and I couldn't lay the river down - got 3 bets in there - rough hand, and rough beat, but dang, so close ;)

got a young lady who may come to visit for a few days - not sure where it will go and not sure it should go anywhere, but I won't be alone for a few days - and got my gig on Thursday - that's a nice comfort -

starting to rejoin certain discussion groups (2+2) and revisit old friends (Pauly/Iggy) - I have to say now, how the HELL do those WSPO guys last till Nov - I'd have half my expected winnings spent and probably would be living in a padded room waiting for my expected payout - not to mention worrying being out of practice - but as many have said, I'm so glad Ivey made it to the final table - no one deserves to be there more, IMHO

Maybe I'll try for the WSOP next year - maybe I'll try for better tourney strategy - I'll probably just play chess and do nothing meaningful with myself or my life, however - 'tis my nature

hope all your sets are top set -

pax
RB

2009-05-03T07:52:00.006-05:00

There's a lot I could say about the status of poker online in MN right now - someone has their underwear in a bundle - I should point out in disclosure, the ad I have for Full Tilt Poker is to your right, (assuming you don't use adblock or something) - and for some reason, that is one of the sites the Minnesota Department of Public Safety has on their list for blockage but as of Sunday morning, I have access and I have reason to believe their persecution will not be legally justified

so I'll let it go for a moment and get to my point.

Two weeks ago, I took my live bankroll and cashed it in - my attempts to build a bankroll playing 2/4 limit with a $5 rake and $1 jackpot drop are pretty much in the hole - Furthermore, I have neither the inclination nor the desire to continue that project - I was glad to win my bad beat jackpot share, and I'm glad to take what's left of it and run - I already ran with $250 or so, so I kept about $850 of my $1500 bankroll - not unlike my 401K performance - LOL

A lot could be said on whether the game is beatable, esp. at 2am with loose guns and no one can deny on a good night, with the right cards, it can be taken for $200, but I found myself tightening up and getting less and less interested in making the trip out there short of any reason but human communication. With some competition in the area now in Runnin' Aces, I would almost rather buy a convertible and make an hr drive up to play in the pocket A's promotion they have most weekdays and cash my comps when I go - just sayin....

In any case, I promised a return to periodic updates, and a resurgence of writing but all I did was slowly bleed until the process, while not fatal, ceased to have any real entertainment value to it, and let's face it, if we aren't playing because we enjoy it, why play?

having said that, you can fit any poker client on a 1024x600 netbook screen and I've been kinda enjoying that lately ;) - so no, I'm still here, and I'm still ready to tell the dept. of public safety to go screw themselves, but the live bankroll challenge is fini - personally, I'd rather play cheapo 1 hr 1 table SNG's for a while.

RB

2009-03-03T06:57:00.005-06:00

I just realized we're close to the 5 year mark in a couple months - holy mother....

just tried to bluff pocket J's with a pair of 6's and a busted straight draw online - why did I raise preflop again - oh yah, suited connectors - nerfhead

well, maybe I should post my bankroll - here it is

kinda sweet, eh? - that's about $1442, and I'll move up to 3/6 when it gets to $1800 - it was up but a couple losing sessions almost took me back to even money - meanwhile I'm dropping dimes online, but enough about that.

Tonight I want to talk about this exceptionally tall and beautiful African-American woman who came walking in at 3am - She looked really young, and she probably was, but I don't think she was wearing much makeup - I don't think she needed it. She sat down and folded a lot of hands - and she had the attitude of a woman who was there to play and not talk - so I pretended I was there for the same reason ;)

She came with a guy you'd expect - gotee, baggy clothes, and likes to comment on how others play - for a while though she was alone at our table - we got involved in a hand where she had called my KK raise and repopped me on a K98 flop.

Turn came a 7, and river a duck so I make my bet and she ends up folding but I get a caller and turn it over.

As I'm raking chips, I use this as an excuse to look over - (I used almost any hand she was in as an excuse to "study" her - she was pretty tight the first 45 min. and then started calling a lot of raises) but I sorta throw out there "two pair?" -

and she had been kinda stoic and quiet, but she gave me this smile that almost made me regret dragging the pot.

When her man came over, he griped about how he couldn't win - (both eventually busted out) - but she's giving him a back massage as he's dropping chips. I make a quip about how he's the only one getting the backrub but he mentioned that he pays for that too in his own way - I didn't mention to her I'd be willing to double his offer.

I walked away $85 ahead, but tonight, the definitions of winner and loser just didn't seem to apply. As long as she was going home with him, I wasn't the winner. I was just ahead for the night -

A classic beauty though - made those three hrs go a lot faster for once - wish I had the camera phone, not so that I could post it but just so I could look every now and again.

And then I remember I'm getting old and could be perceived as a dirty old man - yep - definitely not the winner tonight.

wt

2009-02-26T11:49:00.003-06:00

one more point about that post I made on the 23rd -

I believe it was Mike Caro who said "Money flows clockwise" - I can think of no saying that says so little yet says so much about the mechanics of how money works at a table.

Lesson - sit on the LEFT of the loose idiots, not the right. I'll remember that next time - I sorta knew that but there are some who want the loose cannons on their left - don't know why I didn't move right away - (wait, I know - no open seats - LOL)

RB

2009-02-23T04:42:00.004-06:00

it's 445AM and zero degrees outside - it was colder inside at the card table. Dropped my 30BB and about 5 more waiting for chicken strips that never got put in as an order.

Saw my KK get capped preflop and lose to guys who called and flopped an open-ender. AK and AQ never hit - just cold. It was one of those games with dumbasses who straddle your blind every time and raise with 10/3 offsuit.

Normally I can still sit tight and get cards on a game like that but another seat was hotter then heck and collared up twice off their poor play. My only comfort is seeing them buy in for a 2nd rack, go busto, and know at least I lost less then they did off their horrendous play. But I think they're rich kids with no jobs going to Miami in a few days, so maybe I got the bad beat after all.

Bankroll has dropped to 1405 - we'll give it a couple days and maybe go back Wed. night

RB

2009-02-21T00:16:00.004-06:00

so the last week or so, I started making trips out to Canterbury Park again to play 2/4 - I somewhat decided to re-invest myself into the game with a 2/4 bankroll of 1200 and see if I could get it up to $1800 and 3/6 but for the purposes of my ATM withdrawl - the first night was only $400 (until I got to another payday)

Overall plan was to get two more withdrawls and start grinding - at some point I'd find a limit I was comfortable at or more likely, would just start playing for my spending money and keeping paycheck going 100% to bills and mortgages

First night I made $125 - second night I made $80 which would cover a third of my destination.

I admit, a $5 rake and $1 jackpot drop is a bit intimiditing, but since it's at a 10% increment, and since most pots don't even get that big, and since I play few big pots as opposed to every other pot, it hasn't been an issue. I'm getting something out of the game again by playing it live and enjoying it more then sitting at the PC.

So last night I had the night off - and I decide to go out again - (gotta stay up late) - and a hand comes up that I'm sorta not paying attention to - a guy goes all in for about 4 bucks - I think there are two callers, but by the river I think it's the all-in and other player -

and the ruckus starts - I'm like "wow, that dude has quads" and the whole table erupts - whoops - bad beat jackpot - we thought it was gonna be for 100K but it was for 22K instead - nevertheless, I became about 1K richer after table share - (7 handed, so we split 5K 5 ways which ain't nothing to sneeze at) - but because of the way the hand played, no one was paying attention because the all-in had no one betting - it was like an 18 buck pot

So this is where Whiskey's headed - a restoration of the blog to it's former poker greatness, with all the jackasses, nincompoops, and nimrods live poker offers - the drunks, weirds, sickos, and losers that inhabit the world - as time permits - or until I have a losing night, which is bound to happen sooner or later -

Meanwhile I have a $600 bankroll online that I need to figure out what to do with - I'm thinking that'll be my tourney bankroll but no idea how to structure it yet - but the live bankroll is now up to $1575 and I'll be making a decision at $1800 whether to go to 3/6 yet or not

In any case, I'm looking forward to some live poker, cute waitresses, $2 baskets of fries, and watered down mountain dew

RB

2009-01-14T09:03:00.003-06:00

I just watched the Original Ocean's 11 - with the 1960's cast. Afterwards, I went thru some special features of the hotels - (Flamingo, Riveria, Sahara, along with the Sands and Desert Inn)

And then I got the sickest feeling of sadness in my stomach. I looked at the pictures of the strip and barely recognized it. But what I saw suddenly looked so much more beautiful the the Strip I know today.

The energy, the vibe, the entertainers. Before the mega-resorts - before "What Happens Here, Stays Here" - before, before, before.

The vastness of desert between hotels is what really caught me for a loop - before anything was out there - mamma mia...what I would give to see that Vegas a few times.

RB

2008-12-17T10:53:00.002-06:00

so I have this horrible bad beat story where I won a pot :)

Tuesdays at Canterbury are pocket A's tuesday - if you lose, you get 75 bucks - I got them the first time and won 15 bucks - second time same thing - EP, so I just limp - (if I have a few callers I'll raise just to build a pot) -

flop comes TT6 - I think he bet, and I call
Turn 7 - think he bet - but he mighta checked
river 9 - I figure I can't lose so I might as well bet and try to get $6 - he looks at his cards - complains about having only a 6, and mucks -

the player to his right says "you had a straight" -

and yes, he had an 8, but the cards hit the muck - I almost dragged them out of the muck myself -

so it was another $15 instead of my glorious $75 -

Life has been like that lately - one step forward, six steps back - gonna be a long winter

RB

2008-11-22T03:03:00.004-06:00

so as many of you know, I've been working on a project -

said project is done and available for review to the general public -

you may chase down clips and info here and here - I can also arrange a free download for poker bloggers who maybe would like to be kind enough to pass me a review if you dig the tunes.

having said that, I'm not sure when the next update will be around here - I think it's good that some things fade away like a passing relationship instead of hanging around like a nagging wife -

but for now, come check out the tunes - I especially like the opening ode to Las Vegas - none of that escaping to the good life stuff - I know that town too well by now :)

RB

2008-09-29T23:50:00.002-05:00

ah man, it's been so long since I played at Pokerstars - they have an 8 game tournament now -

had to read fast on triple draw 2-7 - I called a raise before the first draw before I realized aces don't play low in this game.

Then my 2nd hand I got a 34567 after the first draw but lucked out - I had read where that was bad juju and discarded the 6 for a 2 and was home free -

now THIS is poker - :) - this is a mental exercise - multiple games without all the push and pray - nice

RB

2008-09-29T08:17:00.002-05:00

No new poker games this week - maybe I'll get a couple in - for some reason my pokerdb isn't pulling pokerstars games - weird. I probably missed an update somewhere.

I'm in danger of becoming completely compartmentalized. I maintain two or three circles that are probably totally unaware of the existence of the other - I maintain a church circle, a music circle, a poker circle, a chess circle, a work circle, and potentially, a woman circle -

They have all been safe and compartmentalized for some time now but the dreaded Facebook is tearing down all boundaries. (That and people googling me) - I've run into some folks I never thought I'd run into again- (some pleasantly) - but eventually someone from Church is gonna wonder why I sang "Goddamn" and a song about stealing a Pastor's car all while this blog and it's tribute to excess continues to thrive and exist - LOL -

Should all these things occupy the same space at the same time we'll see something similar to what happens when you put instant coffee into a microwave oven - instant annihilation.

I have to be a real asshole today - I have a birdnest constructed under my air conditioner in the upstairs 2nd floor window. I am concerned that when I pull the A/C I will find lots of bird crap and eggshells on the ledge where they have set up residence, but mostly I'm bummed I have to displace them, but I can't leave that AC in the window, and I have no guarantee that they'll migrate for winter. I DO know if they stay it'll be a heck of a lot easier if I move them now (fall) then after the 3rd snow or something - then it'll be terrible - maybe I'll go buy a birdhouse and find a place to stash it before tearing the old one out.

shoot - I can't bear to do it - maybe next week.

RB

2008-09-23T21:02:00.002-05:00

I am rocking the Pokerstars $15 turbos - I am 1 for 2 (2nd place) but taking a beating the third game - may have go go back to chess - I just lost with AJ vs J8 - LOL - but I'm on a rally.

Man, I've been reading back on old blog posts - I barely recognize that guy anymore - I guess it's true that Drugs and Alcohol change you but I'm trying to figure out what was amplified....

It appears discontent was amplified. It appears the little things became big things and there were no big things worth worrying about. It appears the foul language of the Sopranos and Deadwood had an effect on my language which is too bad, because it becomes a crutch instead of expressing oneself in a meaningful manner.

At the same time, life was amplified...for better or worse, I burned brighter during those 5 years then I can recall before or since. I found friends, left the house, and lived with few overall regrets besides sitting on my guitar drunk and driving off a cute redheaded database geek when I was grumpy and out of pot. Those were days of hopping a plane and going to an unknown city for the purposes of exploration - of drinking warm rumplemintz and watching Seven Samurai in a mouse infested practice space because I either had no home or I had a borrowed room and didn't want to be there.

I mean, I thought I was grinding then sometimes, but I was grinding at high limits with risk - LOL - now I'm just grinding - watching the 401K rise and fall, trying to build house equity and looking for an excuse to hide in the mountains. I go to church in hopes of making a connection I've never made and never will, and now am going practically out of obligation more then because I want to, which is a bummer.

I am hoping the album changes that a bit....I have hopes for it that go beyond whether it might get me laid or famous. I believe it could be a key for some folks lives and I hope it's a key for mine, to unlock some door that I was meant to open.

--------------

on another observational side note, it would appear I lacked the love of poker to pursue it to excellence as I have with chess. I am of the opinion that if money were out of the equation, I wouldn't play poker - (how many of us truly would?) - but I can always find a love for chess that will have me putting down 4 games in a noisy bar on open stage night like I did last night. (I also played 4 songs, of course, during my time) -

Listening to a lot of Matthew Ryan (from 2003) - I like that line in the first track "I can't return to you, you must return to me" - it transfers blame but doesn't hold back in trying to fix it - There are a lot of things I could apply that line in my life to - God, life, joy, peace, contentment

I can't return to you, you must return to me...

that third SNG - busted with AK vs 99 - too bad I called his all in on the river - but he did bet with 3rd pair - thought he had crap but was too short stacked to turn back. Here's to not getting short stacked in life.

RB

2008-09-16T19:34:00.001-05:00

at great personal risk to my mental health, I have transferred some funds to one of my favorite poker sites (a site that is getting increasingly difficult to transfer funds too) and will play in a couple of $10 tourneys tonight -

Chess has preoccupied my mindset - but there's something to be said for skills at one game transferring to another - I'll try to refresh my brain on how to play this game - maybe jumpstart back into the tourney games I used to like but got so tired of being sucked out on -

could be interesting - will give updates when I'm done -

RB

2008-08-28T09:42:00.003-05:00

Hey guys - some of you have been wondering what the hell I have been doing.

Well, I've been recording an album - LOL

2008-07-04T00:42:00.001-05:00

wow - wow wow wow -

the Main Event started and I didn't even notice -

I suppose I've fallen out of love.

RB

2008-06-13T00:20:00.002-05:00

I have become mildly atrocious at updating, but I have a good excuse - while many longtime readers (who have probably died of liver failure) are aware of my musical leanings and inspirations, probably the average surfer is unaware that my first love is and always will be songwriting. (She's like a Call Girl - let's me call her my love but never returns the favor) -

About once a month now since April, I've made a one or two day trip down into a Minneapolis studio to put the touches on an album - I'm making my third and last trip at the end of June and hope to have it done by Sept.

One song in particular called (what else) Las Vegas Blvd. summed up my experiences pretty well as they went thru the Vegas Poker scene - fortunately I had yet to damage my memory with so much booze I can't remember the good times, but it's hilarious to me how many pictures I took with my disposable camera of stuff that um, can be seen anytime, like the exterior of New York, New York - LOL

hardly any online poker - a live trip once a month out to Canterbury (where I won some money that was to be studio money and gave it all back) and a trip to Montana.

I did read an interesting comment in a Chess Grandmaster's blog about the number of chess grandmasters who are moving to poker, and reading in a recent chess book (a history of a NYC public school's chess team) how their past time outside chess is any and all types of poker.

It's interesting to see the crossover, to say the least, esp. given that although they require similar skills, the actual application of them and the games themselves are as different as night and day, IMHO. In one game, perfect play is rewarded with draw after draw, and in the other one, perfect play is no indicator of success. In one, luck and deception play major roles, and in the other, all the armies are out and exposed from the get-go and only intentions are secret.

In any case, I'm still sorta waiting for the poker boom to finish off - but maybe I can finally catch a blogger's tourney this winter -

pax
RB

2008-04-18T03:51:00.004-05:00

about two years ago, when hurricane BrandiRose burst on the 2+2 scene (Brandi Hawbaker) - she made a bit of a crazy name for herself fast. Then things turned ugly.

At one point I remember her asking for prayers in a thread, and I actually sent her a PM saying I was going to do so - she replied back thanking me, saying she appreciated it - short and sweet.

I had put her name down on a list of names I was keeping track of and praying for. Like most spiritual ventures, I quickly struggled, and I actually found that list on the floor of my truck under some papers about two months ago - I cycled thru it quickly, figured everyone was doing well, and stashed the notebook for another day.

It is my understanding that the woman took her own life on Sunday.

I'm sorry for the trainwreck that her life became, esp. the public trashing she took. I'm sorry her demons were stronger then her. I'm sorry we never got the chance to at least say hi face to face.

But mostly I'm just sorry I stopped praying for her.

pax, BrandiRose.

RB

2008-03-11T08:10:00.001-05:00

it's weird - poker has absolutely no thrill for me now - maybe it was only the pursuit of money that did it - it certainly wasn't the high caliber of human being I encountered :)

RB

2008-03-02T03:17:00.003-06:00

I see I'm not the only one getting somber lately - reading links of bloggers past and present, old drinking buddies and card sharks - it's fun. If I ever make another Blogger's tour, it'll feel more like a class reunion then like a meeting of the minds.

I came up with a metaphor for my life the other day. I was driving, and I thought "My life used to be wild and exciting - now it's dull"

I'm as dull as a butter knife.
I'm as dull as a documentary about butter knives
I'm as dull as the director's commentary on a documentary about butter knives.

RB

2008-02-26T18:07:00.004-06:00

I had a dream recently - it was one of those where I went to bed at 10am and woke up at 1pm, took a whiz, and crashed again. When it kicked in, it kicked in fairly vividly, and I still remember it, perhaps for it's symbolism as much as anything.

In my dream, I put on my Army field jacket - (the one I've owned, worn and enjoyed for 17 years and bought at an army-navy store in College) and grab a blanket and pillow. I throw the pillow over my shoulder and drape the blanket over that to keep the pillow weighed down on my shoulder. And I begin walking westward from home. It's really sunny and bright, and it occurs to me I could be roasting wearing the jacket and having the blanket over my shoulder, but I never feel the heat.

As I get closer to where I'm going, it gets heavier, and I start leaning to make any progress, but I finally see where I'm going - I'm going to a bus terminus, and buses are lined up and I'm plogging forward to see where my bus is and reading the destinations above the windows, but at this point it's like I'm dragging a lead blanket. I am a block away but I'm leaning like when I was a kid dragging a 50 pound sled thru the snow and just barely moving, throwing all my weight forward with each step.

And then in the not too far distance, I see something - I see a chessboard - I am seeing it at an angle, from below the board at the h1 square like I'm a kid looking up at a table the game is resting on - the point of view was like on of those 15 miles spaceships in "Independence Day and it wasn't quite on top of me, but maybe 15 miles over in the distance and took up most of the right hand horizon. I'm almost at eye level, so I can see white pieces (the tops of them) but not the squares, and I see them moving very rapidly, in fast paced motion by themselves, but I can't see where they're being placed and I can't follow the game except some of those pawns were making illegal moves ;) I think the king had castled kingside and was stable behind it's wall of pawns/rook while the queenside was a flurry of activity.

What struck me most precisely at that moment was that I didn't see any black pieces yet near the edge of the board, but it was apparent judging by the fast shuffling of pieces that somewhere in the distance, black's army was on the march and I kept looking for black pieces but didn't see any. My angle of view maybe covered the 1-4th rows and all the action was over on the queenside, but that was about it when I more or less either woke up or lost the dream.

When I woke up I wondered why I would drag a blanket/pillow on a journey, since I've easily substituted the army field jacket I wore as an impromptu blanket and pillow before.

The metaphor felt like one of war. The war is in the distance, and I'm trying to get to my departure before it's on top of me, but my useless baggage weighs me down.

RB

2008-02-11T05:17:00.000-06:00

I shit you not - I was to be in Vegas tonight and for the next two days.

Booked trip two weeks ago - just sort of a 3 day vacation from the bitter cold of MN - it was -14 when I got on the light rail to go to the airport - got there, got thru, had my usual overpriced BK breakfast in the food court, and off to the gate.

Not boarding right away - a front baggage latch is frozen in a half state, so it's not secure for opening or closing - there will be a slight delay.

2.5 hrs later, the agent is telling us to get in line for rerouting - they don't have confidence in that aircraft - (no shit!) - so I get in line, and I'm told I can go to Houston and on to Vegas and arrive approx. 8 hrs later.

I thought about it for 30 min...losing a day in the sun, going to Houston, and although my final schedule would only have me 8 hrs late, between my not sleeping (was at work) and everything else, I decided to cancel, get refunds for the tkt and hotel, and come home - where I slept 13 hrs straight.

another time - now I'm back on a friggen chess board - :)

RB

2008-01-30T05:58:00.000-06:00

made a 4th cash in a row and another final table - busted in 7th to some sick, sick shit.

call with KQ and get a JTx flop - I mean to bet but I've got a funky keyboard, and while typing in my bets, I keep getting the field populated with 8's - usually hitting the 8 key clears it but not this time - I only want to bet half the pot so I just check, not being able to type in the bet amount I want.

my opponent had open ender and I made my top pair with the K - just sick how I couldn't bet and although he had an open ended st8 draw I could have at least made it bad for him to draw - fruck.

7th better then a kick in the teeth, however. - will try again at 7am and try to increase the streak to 5 :)

My favorite is raising the first hr with 55, getting repopped and laying it down and some smart ass quips "no balls" I outlasted that smartass who didn't even make the money - can't win it all in the first hr, right?

RB

2008-01-29T13:41:00.001-06:00

wow - two posts in one day - must be on crack. Actually, I'm kinda tired, and since this blog only sucked when I was sober or awake, maybe now is a good time - I've got an air called "Theidh Mi Dhachaigh" playing in the background - maybe it'll reset some good brainwaves or something.

Broke a cardinal rule and played in a 2nd and 3rd $10 tournament today. I've been stopping after the first cash, seeing as how I never make another one, but after the 3rd place finish, I took a 9th place finish in a 390 - (busted with QQ vs. AQ so I was a contender) - and a salvageable 18th in a 227 player turbo.

I'm not saying all the last few weeks I've spent at chess has anything to do with this sudden streak at poker. I got lucky and unlucky these games, but I seemed to get a 6th sense for repopping and timing my steals right - I rarely limped after the first hr, and stole enough blinds to stay ahead when it came time to win a pot. And when I played I was fearless.

It just has always seemed to me that I am depressed if I don't excel at something, and while I don't exactly excel at writing, or chess, or poker, the attempts in recent weeks to refocus brainpower on one or two tasks may have paid off - maybe I undid some of the alcohol damage from years ago - LOL. Rewired a few neurons to take a couple shorter paths again.

There's not a day I don't get a slight pain in my chest somewhere and wonder if it's anxiety or a heart attack. There's not a day I don't want to run back to the mountains, move up out of the sight of man and woman, and figure if I'm gonna be alone and lonely and aloof, at least I can do it in a place more scenic then a Minneapolis house that's twice as big as I need.

There's not a day I don't look in the mirror and realize I've crossed the line from young to middle aged - or maybe middle aged for me at least - :)

three cashes in a row - I should feel proud - (even though I essentially folded my way into the third one - thank you turbo blinds) -

but I feel like I wasted my whole day - and ergo, my whole life -

Maybe I'm just too paranoid every day is going to be my last.

rb