Monday, September 29, 2008

ah man, it's been so long since I played at Pokerstars - they have an 8 game tournament now -

had to read fast on triple draw 2-7 - I called a raise before the first draw before I realized aces don't play low in this game.

Then my 2nd hand I got a 34567 after the first draw but lucked out - I had read where that was bad juju and discarded the 6 for a 2 and was home free -

now THIS is poker - :) - this is a mental exercise - multiple games without all the push and pray - nice


No new poker games this week - maybe I'll get a couple in - for some reason my pokerdb isn't pulling pokerstars games - weird. I probably missed an update somewhere.

I'm in danger of becoming completely compartmentalized. I maintain two or three circles that are probably totally unaware of the existence of the other - I maintain a church circle, a music circle, a poker circle, a chess circle, a work circle, and potentially, a woman circle -

They have all been safe and compartmentalized for some time now but the dreaded Facebook is tearing down all boundaries. (That and people googling me) - I've run into some folks I never thought I'd run into again- (some pleasantly) - but eventually someone from Church is gonna wonder why I sang "Goddamn" and a song about stealing a Pastor's car all while this blog and it's tribute to excess continues to thrive and exist - LOL -

Should all these things occupy the same space at the same time we'll see something similar to what happens when you put instant coffee into a microwave oven - instant annihilation.

I have to be a real asshole today - I have a birdnest constructed under my air conditioner in the upstairs 2nd floor window. I am concerned that when I pull the A/C I will find lots of bird crap and eggshells on the ledge where they have set up residence, but mostly I'm bummed I have to displace them, but I can't leave that AC in the window, and I have no guarantee that they'll migrate for winter. I DO know if they stay it'll be a heck of a lot easier if I move them now (fall) then after the 3rd snow or something - then it'll be terrible - maybe I'll go buy a birdhouse and find a place to stash it before tearing the old one out.

shoot - I can't bear to do it - maybe next week.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I am rocking the Pokerstars $15 turbos - I am 1 for 2 (2nd place) but taking a beating the third game - may have go go back to chess - I just lost with AJ vs J8 - LOL - but I'm on a rally.

Man, I've been reading back on old blog posts - I barely recognize that guy anymore - I guess it's true that Drugs and Alcohol change you but I'm trying to figure out what was amplified....

It appears discontent was amplified. It appears the little things became big things and there were no big things worth worrying about. It appears the foul language of the Sopranos and Deadwood had an effect on my language which is too bad, because it becomes a crutch instead of expressing oneself in a meaningful manner.

At the same time, life was amplified...for better or worse, I burned brighter during those 5 years then I can recall before or since. I found friends, left the house, and lived with few overall regrets besides sitting on my guitar drunk and driving off a cute redheaded database geek when I was grumpy and out of pot. Those were days of hopping a plane and going to an unknown city for the purposes of exploration - of drinking warm rumplemintz and watching Seven Samurai in a mouse infested practice space because I either had no home or I had a borrowed room and didn't want to be there.

I mean, I thought I was grinding then sometimes, but I was grinding at high limits with risk - LOL - now I'm just grinding - watching the 401K rise and fall, trying to build house equity and looking for an excuse to hide in the mountains. I go to church in hopes of making a connection I've never made and never will, and now am going practically out of obligation more then because I want to, which is a bummer.

I am hoping the album changes that a bit....I have hopes for it that go beyond whether it might get me laid or famous. I believe it could be a key for some folks lives and I hope it's a key for mine, to unlock some door that I was meant to open.


on another observational side note, it would appear I lacked the love of poker to pursue it to excellence as I have with chess. I am of the opinion that if money were out of the equation, I wouldn't play poker - (how many of us truly would?) - but I can always find a love for chess that will have me putting down 4 games in a noisy bar on open stage night like I did last night. (I also played 4 songs, of course, during my time) -

Listening to a lot of Matthew Ryan (from 2003) - I like that line in the first track "I can't return to you, you must return to me" - it transfers blame but doesn't hold back in trying to fix it - There are a lot of things I could apply that line in my life to - God, life, joy, peace, contentment

I can't return to you, you must return to me...

that third SNG - busted with AK vs 99 - too bad I called his all in on the river - but he did bet with 3rd pair - thought he had crap but was too short stacked to turn back. Here's to not getting short stacked in life.


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

at great personal risk to my mental health, I have transferred some funds to one of my favorite poker sites (a site that is getting increasingly difficult to transfer funds too) and will play in a couple of $10 tourneys tonight -

Chess has preoccupied my mindset - but there's something to be said for skills at one game transferring to another - I'll try to refresh my brain on how to play this game - maybe jumpstart back into the tourney games I used to like but got so tired of being sucked out on -

could be interesting - will give updates when I'm done -